Fuck you Cancer!!!!!!

Let me first start by saying that loved ones dying of cancer is not funny.
Death itself is never actually funny. Its usually sad and hard for someone.
So don’t think I am some morbid fuck who reads the obituaries and creams
his pants. I’m not that guy. I’m the guy that if anything stays sacred and
not being allowed to laugh about then we will all just sit around and keep
grieving. That being said, I shall start my rant. I was recently at a
party and after showing a girl a scar on my arm, I was asked what if was
from. I jokingly said cancer. Immediately an APB went out. If it was
true, then it was fine. However, if it was false, I just committed a major
faux pau. It is quite possible that I mentioned cancer in a way that was
not serious. It was true. I never had cancer. I immediately admitted to
the disease ridden stripper that it was in fact false. Her sister stormed
out of the room in a fit of rage. Oh my God, I made a sarcastic remark
about something she had in the past. That isn’t right. I shouldn’t make
jokes about that, right? Or is it OK? I am writing this to prove that
unless you are literally mocking or joking about the dead, or nearly dead,
then anything is fair game. She told me that I’ve never seen anyone go
through the stages of cancer. Not true. When I was a young man, I saw my
grandma die of the shit. Six years later, I saw an aunt do the same
thing. I guess that blows the whole “not having a frame of reference” out
of the water. Was watching these people die funny to me? Hell no, but my
point is that if we can’t laugh about things that have hurt us in the past
then what can we laugh about? Let’s see, if we can’t laugh about things
that happened to me alone, that crosses out Death, Suicide,
Depression, Sickness, and being fucked by politicians. Well fuck that. I
love to hear about murder, as does everyone. They even have several
channels about it. You think A&E or Court TV would have shit to show if it
wasn’t for shows about actual murder cases. People love to watch this shit. 
Suicide. I’ve never tried to kill myself . Still fair game for
making jokes about. In my opinion, a lot more people should kill
themselves. Only problem is the wrong people are doing it. Why don’t we
have some of these piece of shit pedophiles and rapists turn to suicide
first? Wouldn’t we rather have them eat a bullet than an 8 year old’s cock?
Let’s turn these fuckers on to that shit. Let’s make it acceptable in
society. Not only acceptable, but popular among the shit in this world.
Let’s martyrize one of these fuckers that kills himself instead of robbing a
store and raping the clerk. The white trash would catch on that they’d be
on the news and that’s all they really want. Suicide should be less shunned
and just redirected. We could all laugh about a couple of white trash
motherfuckers doing a little too much speed, couldn’t we? Anyways, the
point is that everything should be available for laughter. Because without
laughter, what do we have? Depression, murder, suicide, sickness, cancer,
and crooked ass politicians. And for all of you that don’t agree with my
theory, I hope you get Mutoba. Yeah, that shit on “Outbreak.” And when you
are bleeding out of your ears, your nose, and every other hole available,
then Cancer will finally be laughable to you. “Haha,” you’ll chuckle.
“What are you waiting for, cancer??” And you know what, if I make it long
enough to get my Cancer, then I vow that my dying words will be, “Haha,
you’ve won this one Cancer, (gasp)…” And the people there who see it will
laugh and say, “Wow, Cancer, really got him tickled, didn’t it?” Cuz it
sure did.